I am 30 and I feel a thousand years old. I mean I feel ancient but not old and this is in a good way. I feel the vastness of my thoughts and feel that they can’t possibly be contained in this small body. The reason is my obsession with fantasy fiction books. Fantasy is a special genre and I believe it makes you feel more than what other genres do. Simple fiction is still in the realm of the science and logic we already know. But in fantasy or sci-fi, you go beyond, making your nervous system experience more. Connections are made where they were none before. It opens your mind to new possibilities and new ways of thinking which is the basis for evolution.
I have had millions of experiences. Traveled beyond this planet. Explored the multiverse. And what has resulted is a profound sense of gratefulness. As a fantasy writer and reader, I have met elves, ghosts, poltergeists, aliens, gods, dwarves, trolls and what not. I have seen empires rise and fall. I have seen power. A power that is unimaginable in the world we live in. I have seen torture and I have seen fates that make death look like a fun tea party. And after all this, I am profoundly grateful to be living an outwardly boring life.
I’ve been struggling with depression since I was a little kid so that does paint my outlook to life in darker shades. But at the same time, I’m thrilled, more than most people, just to have my human faculties intact. To be able to walk, dance, read and do general human stuff. Even the most ordinary thing becomes extraordinary because of context.
I realize that this is what ‘spirits’ crave for. I don’t mean ghosts specifically. Just souls or spirits that exist in the limbo stage between death and life. We don’t realize what an incredible gift human senses are. To touch, to feel, to see, to think. The other day I had an epiphany. I imagine that no matter how bad you consider life to be when you’re in spirit form, everything will seem trivial and you’ll do anything to be a human again. To FEEL again. And I know that even if I’m miserable for the rest of my life, I will always appreciate these simple things.
External Agent for IRIANS
IRIANS – The Neuroscience Institute